Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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