i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
