Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Help. Why am I so naked?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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