This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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