I hate your face
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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