That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
