moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
MIDGETS
????
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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