once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
