Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
