Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
