I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
