Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
