Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
