bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
