I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
