I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
