at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Who died my cat blue again?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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