so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize