Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I had to cum in my sink.
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