Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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