apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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