We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
