my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize