you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
