I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
