Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
