you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
