You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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