i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
