I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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