She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
