So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
