Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
