speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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