he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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