apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
