My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
