taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Randomize
