I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize