spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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