I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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