Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
