Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Someone shattered a urinal.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
