Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
The air was thick with penises
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
