I must be too annoying 4 u.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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