Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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