When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
