I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
