I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize