Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
