some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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