apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I don't think brook has ever known best
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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