I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
