Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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