i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
