After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Too much gin, very little bucket
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Randomize
