so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
