she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
