Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
