He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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