Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
