Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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