Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize