I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
