porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
