Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
