whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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