he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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