the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize