I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
