Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
