Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Sorry about my life...
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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