im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
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