the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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