how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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