Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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