Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
