I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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