I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
