dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
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