if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
