SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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