Umm I'm too high to move.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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