New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
