if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
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