He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
they need to just BURY HIM!
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
