I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
