The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
