when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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