Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
