i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
