I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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