oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
