haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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