One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
