Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
