Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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