Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
