i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I smell like Dick and happiness
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