i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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