my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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