There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
kristin has been a bad kristin
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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